June 20, 2019
Christian preachers went out to Hamilton to spread the good word over the weekend and put the fear of God into the hearts of the degenerate Canadian college hordes when they were attacked by pink-clad ninjas.
Though they were outnumbered, the forces of Jesus won the day and gave us a much-needed meme victory morale booster.
Hamilton Police Service are investigating an altercation between two groups of people at Gage Park Pride Festival, Saturday.
Officers found two groups of people engaged in a physical confrontation in the middle of the park away from the main festivities, at 1000 Main St., according to a news release by police.
Penman said officers escorted a religious group and members of the yellow vest movement, a populist group that originated in France, off of event property.
She said no arrests were made, but the investigation is ongoing.
There were no cops to be seen, and the two groups were allowed to just fight it out in a chaotic moshpit that lasted almost an hour.
It was an on-and-off battle, with Antifa clearly attacking the Christian preachers and getting curb-stomped every single time, then being forced to retreat and regroup, only to foolishly re-initiate the fight and get bloodied once again.
Seriously though, this whole video is nuts.
I’ve never seen such a collection of monsters, golems and freaks from all my years of researching Antifa smackdown compilations. This brawl really stands out as something else. The key turning point came when Marlboro Man decided to sacrifice all of his Defense stats and go full aggro to secure the big W and protect the faith from Satan’s army of minions.
— Rob Dew (@DewsNewz) June 17, 2019
What a hit.
If that helmet wasn’t plastic, he rearranged some gray cells in those Antifa’s skulls for sure.
Now, there are some important details to iron out here before we proceed any further. It has come to my attention that some smol-brained dolts have taken to calling this man “Pan Man” when this designation clearly makes no sense.
This is the real Pan Man – and our hero looks nothing like him.
He is not wielding a pan – he is wielding a helmet and a lit cigarette.
The comparison is clear:
I don’t know why you would ever call him “Pan Man” after considering the logic and viewing the evidence that I have laid out.
Anyways, hopefully, we can put that controversy to rest and collectively lavish all the praise on Marlboro Man that he so richly deserves.
It hurts me to say this, but there’s a very good chance that we may never get a repeat of this stunning display of nicotine dependency and Slavic savagery because the Canadian government will no doubt ban assault helmets after reviewing the video and that will be the end of that.
Still, one man did his part to stem the tide of evil and he will be remembered for his heroism and we must never forget that.
This man has earned himself a VIP pass to Valhalla and even more importantly: everlasting internet clout.
You may not like it, but Marlboro Man is what peak Antifa-bashing performance looks like.
Editor’s Note: Don’t ever fight Antifa in real life. Even if they attack you, you will go to prison. You will at least be arrested and put in jail and may spend tens of thousands of dollars defending yourself. The rule is, they are allowed to attack you and it is criminal to fight back. At least that is the rule in America. This is Canada, so maybe they’re not fully up on this program – I don’t know. But I know that these scenes, as fun as they are, are not worth ruining your life over. -AA