Berlin Brought to Its Knees By Menacing Vibrator Terrorist Plot

Roy Batty
Daily Stormer
August 8, 2018

Berlin’s airport was shut down by one terrorist’s actions the other day.

RT:

Staff at Berlin Schönefeld thought they had made an explosive discovery after finding a suspicious looking device in the checked baggage at the airport – but the reality was a little less penetrating.

A terminal was evacuated and flights grounded after baggage handlers at the transport hub alerted security to a device found during a routine X-ray of one passenger’s bag. Writing in a post on social media, the offending passenger said that he’d been found at passport control and asked to follow security officials to the sorting area.

“When I arrived, the terminal was being evacuated,” the passenger wrote. “I approached a police officer and told him that I needed to check my bag with the baggage handlers. He asked my name and for my passport. He then spoke into his radio and several armed police swarmed me with automatic weapons.”

The passenger, who when contacted by RT asked to remain anonymous for professional reasons, said he was led to another area where he watched as a member of the bomb squad, clad in full protective gear, walked slowly towards his bag.

“After 60 tense minutes, [the member of the bomb squad] returned laughing. The hand grenade was in fact a vibrator from Ann Summers that my girlfriend and I had purchased two weeks previous,” the passenger said.

And that is the story of how the terrorists almost won, but somehow the brave people of Berlin managed to pull through…after an hour of intense anti-terrorism measures.

No, really. It is a hilarious little story.

Who would have thought that cyberpunk-style police would be hunting down vibrators and vibrator-sympathizers in full riot gear in 2018?

Step away from the sex toy, sir.

And I’m always struck by how prescient Fight Club was for its time.

Airports really do take vibrating luggage seriously.

I’m not really sure what machine-gun sporting, full battle-rattle cops could have done to stop a vibrator/dildo going off…but it never hurts to be safe rather than sorry I guess.

Anyways, it is comforting to know that the police is on the ball.

Not when it comes to border security, rape prevention or wholesale Moslem takeovers of entire cities…but when it come down to the things that really matter.

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