August 21, 2019
When she just wants to be cute and make you breakfast but her sister crushes her dreams.
Have you ever wondered what happens to women whose instincts are strong enough to put up a fight against their modern programming?
They get their hearts broken by the system’s enforcers — in this case, her own family.
This story from the Reddit “Am I the Asshole?” community shows the above mechanism in action.
“AITA” means “Am I the Asshole?”
From the Reddit post:
AITA  for telling my sister  that being a stay at home mom isn’t a career plan?
My sister has never put much thought into how she’s going to afford to be alive. She doesn’t have ambition.
Ever since she was little, when asked what she wants to be, she’d jokingly answer that her plan is to be a stay at home mom. She’s still saying it, but now she isn’t joking.
She doesn’t even have that much experience with kids! She’s never baby sat.
Recently she’s been telling family members she’s going to nursing school which is amazing! I wanted to talk to about it and praise her.
I visited home last weekend (she still lives with my parents) and asked her what her plans are — in a sisterly way not in a “this is a setup to lecture you way”. She said she’s been lying to the the family and that she plans to keep working her minimum wage job until she meets a man she wants to settle down with. From there the conversation went like this:
Me (irritated): there are no Prince Charming in real life, Rosie
Rosie (irritates): yea … I know … I’m not looking for a Prince Charming. I want to find a man to raise up.
Me: but you are. You want someone to come take over your life because you don’t have the motivation to do better on your own. If your whole life’s goal is to find a man to love you, it’s going to push you into the arms of the wrong kind of man. Also, how are you gonna “raise up” a man if you can’t even raise yourself up? Do you want to be like mom?
Rosie: no! I’m not going to be like mom! I’m going to do it better! I saw what she did and now I can do better!
Me: well do better but improving yourself before you get knocked up. You don’t remember but from 8 until 13 I watched you and (brother) every night while mom partied until 3 because she got pregnant too early, didn’t have time for herself, and resented us. That’s going to be you.
My sister was crying at this point said fuck you, and left.
My dad overheard and said I was too rough and she didn’t need to hear all that.
I think I was justified. Sometimes you have to be mean to get things through a person’s head.
There is nothing wrong with her sister. She didn’t “put much thought into how she’s going to afford to be alive” because that’s not a woman’s job. That’s a man’s job. She is a healthy woman with healthy female instincts and this evil, heartless bitch is trying to shatter her chances of finding happiness in life.
Imagine being such a soulless, bitter and dried-up harpy that you make your sister cry telling her that she’s stupid for wanting to find a man that she finds sexually attractive, make babies with him and help him build up his empire.
Imagine telling your little sister that she should go become a college slut and waste the peak of her beauty and fertility being the free sex toy of hundreds of random men that won’t ever give anything back to her.
Women are very susceptible to this kind of shaming, especially when compared to men, so even if this teenage woman somehow resists the brainwashing, it won’t be without suffering.
“Also, how are you gonna “raise up” a man if you can’t even raise yourself up?”
She doesn’t need to raise herself up before raising up a man because when it comes to men and women, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. You need both to create life, and as such, you can consider them to be complementary.
If she makes breakfast and dinner, if she keeps the house clean and orderly, if she makes sure clothes are clean and ready to go whenever they’re needed, if she takes care of herself as she takes care of all of her man’s belongings, she’s already “raising him up” and being helpful. Bonus points if she makes beautiful kids for him to make both of them happier and even more motivated to grow his empire.
She doesn’t need to waste her fertility and another 10 years of her life studying or building a career in order to be able to do that.
In fact, she needs not to waste her fertility and another 10 years of her life if she wants to do that.