September 12, 2018
I’ve always suspected that most artists and singers and actors nowadays are possessed by demons. For some reason, I never picked up on Bono’s satanic possession until now.
No wait, that’s an old gig he did.
Seems pretty innocent now.
Here’s the more recent one.
Yes, that’s Bono with some snap-chat tier, facial modification thing that he projected up on the screen during his concert.
He was ranting about how much he hated the Swedes. Which, at first, I was like, “fair enough, who doesn’t hate the Swedes?”
But turns out he was mad at them for supporting the Sweden Democrats, and for being blond and blue-eyed. Then he pulled a Heilgate.
Which, I thought was a strange touch.
See, I never knew that Bono was a Neon-Nazi. But the neon lighting and the nazi saluting definitely made a strong case for his admittance into our ranks.
It was only after I had already sent him an invite to our elite organization within the wider right-wing movement – Phallus – that I realized that he might not be 100% genuine about his desire to join our down-low implicitly homo-erotic secret society…
Because as I watched on, he started talking about Le Pen and the SDs and, well, I had to stop watching! It was just bad. Terrible optics! His accent was weird, the Irish brogue that I kind of liked about him once was gone, and the weird sing-songy mocking voice he was doing was pretty much what I assumed a demon would talk like if it possessed somebody.
And I was like, do we really need yet another try-hard possessed by a demon who talks like a fag in our prestigious organization??
I quickly rescinded the invite.
At this point, I assume that Bono did this stunt because he’s mad that some White people don’t want to go quietly into that long black night.
Since he and his entire aging cohort of musicians and stars are becoming irrelevant, he had to turn to Satan for help though. It’s a bold move, a bold move indeed. We will see if it pays off, Bono. Frankly, I think you could have been better off not throwing your hat in this ring. You were one of the few musicians that I figured we could make a quiet exception for – you know, after Adjustment Day, on the down-low, officially dead, but secretly alive so that party higher-ups could keep you on a monkey chain and have you perform at neon, fashwave-themed soirees.
But now, well, I’m afraid even I can’t pull some strings within Phallus to get you pardoned.
You’re going to probably get scalped and (eared?) or whatever it is that Palahniuk said that was going to happen to people like you.
Take it up with him if you’re not keen on it. Can’t help you. I haven’t even read General Palahniuk’s manual myself yet.