Brutal Dictator of Denmark Releases Zombie Virus Against Greenlanders

Shmuley Ben Shekelheim
National Review
August 21, 2019

The brutal dictator of Denmark has released a biological virus among the peaceful and vibrant people of Greenland, leading to an intensification of calls for a US military intervention on the world’s largest island.

The Danish Queen, Margrethe II of Denmark, who is known to have killed many journalists and imprisoned and tortured minority groups, has been struggling to maintain order in Greenland after the population began demanding more democracy, because their human rights had been violated.

Pro-democracy protests across the island in recent months have led to a crackdown on dissent, where the population has been repressed as the Queen struggles to maintain her stranglehold. Danish special forces were sent in to attack protesters with gas last week, and on Tuesday, reports claim that the Queen released a “zombie” virus. The virus was released by helicopters flying the Danish flag, eyewitnesses report.

The deadly zombie virus caused the undead to rise up and attack villagers, which led to increasing unrest on the troubled towns of the island’s south coast.

A local shaman, Angaangaq Lyberth, said he was shocked when he looked out of his window and saw the undead rising from their graves and attacking the children of his village.

He described how he cried, watching small babies be ripped apart by the bloodthirsty zombies, and begged the whale spirits to send a message to Donald Trump that the people of Greenland need help.

US President Donald Trump told reporters on Tuesday that he is “monitoring the situation very closely.”

However, for many, this is simply not good enough. Politicians from both sides of the aisle are calling for an immediate US intervention, including strategic airstrikes against Danish military installations on the island.

“The president must act to stop the brutal dictator of Denmark from using chemical weapons against the people of Greenland. This is a gross violation of human rights. It is past time that the president moved to restore democracy in Greenland,” said Congressman Adam Schiff.

Senator Marco Rubio himself traveled to the troubled island to hand out blankets and American flags to those affected by the Danish release of the zombie virus. After leading a rally against Denmark, Rubio spoke to reporters with tears streaming down his face.

“I have never seen a people who crave freedom like these people crave freedom. Freedom oozes from the pores of Greenlanders. The Danish Queen has left them for dead, as they fight off zombies that she released upon them. Mr. President, look at these people,” the Senator said, pointing to a group of small children in colorful native dress.

“The time to act was yesterday,” Rubio said. “Democracy must be restored, and the people of Greenland must have a say in how their country is run.”

Trump has been hesitant to invade countries because of his promises during his campaign that he would not be doing that. However, even many of his own supporters are now calling for a reversal of his non-interventionist policy, having witnessed the carnage that the dictator of Denmark has created in Greenland.

“It looks to me like those little people just want their freedom,” said Mary-Sue Peckerson, an attendee at a recent Trump campaign rally. “The communist mullahs of Denmark probably need to be taught a lesson.”

Denmark is not ruled by communists or mullahs. Peckerson appeared to be confusing the calls to invade Denmark with the calls to invade Venezuela, Iran and China. However, the point remains, given that there is so much global hostility towards democracy in our current geopolitical climate.

Trump is still trying to balance his “America First” policies with calls to bring democracy to all of these different countries. But one thing has been made abundantly clear this week: while debate still rages about America’s role in defending freedom and democracy across the globe, the people of Greenland continue to suffer under the brutal oppression of the Queen of Denmark, and their suffering will continue until America makes a decision to act.

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