January 11, 2020
Those Boomer bastards thought that the Third Worldification and aWOKEning of America would let them grill and mow in peace?
Think again, old timer!
You will live to see everything that you love in ashes. Miles of brown unkempt weeds and wildflower patches where green super-grass once was. This is the future YOU chose.
If you’ve got a gas-powered lawnmower or leaf blower or any other garden equipment, you may have to give it up completely.
California is considering a statewide ban on the small-engine machines and Novato is the most recent city to make moves towards getting rid of them.
Mark Bailey, the owner of Buck’s Saw Service, knows he’ll have to sell more of his battery-powered equipment as he prepares to lose sales of another kind of inventory, blowers and mowers that run on gas.
You think that the people will rise up and revolt when the gubmint moves to take away their guns? WRONG. The turning point will be when they come for the mowers.
Look into your heart, you know it to be true.
“I don’t think it’s complete ban practical no, a lot of people use their equipment, limit it,” said Bailey. “When you think gas-guzzling culprit, this comes to mind but there’s a reason garden equipment is on the radar of those fighting to lower greenhouse gas emissions.”
“A top-selling leaf blower, for example, operating for an hour matches the emissions of a Toyota Camry for over 1,100 miles,” said Novato Mayor Pat Eklund.
Mayor Eklund says she respects long-time business owners like Mark Bailey, so the plan is to first discuss the ban within the first half of 2020, giving plenty of time to consult with locals who could be affected.
Related: I predict a dramatic upwards spike in suicides among the lawn class in 2020 as their precious hobby gets stripped away from them.
Boomers will either rise up or or start killing themselves.
Daughters getting raped by Mexicans in cornfields – who cares? But pull up on a Boomer’s John Deere and watch him pull on his bandana skull leather jacket and spring (shuffle, really) into action!
If you think about it, the end of the lawnmower is incredibly symbolic and uh metaphorical an’ sheeeiiitt. It marks the ending of an era – which I do NOT think is all that bad. See, the Boomer bloc controls all the money and the majority of votes in America. They have been called the “Bulwark Generation” before and this is very true – but they are on their way out!
Boomers are the Bulwark generation in two ways
Electorally they are the DAM holding back a blue tidal wave.
Conceptually they block the kind of transformational thinking needed to deal with the wave when (not if) it comes.
— Darren J. Beattie 🌐 (@DarrenJBeattie) March 20, 2019
With the end of Boomerica also comes the beginning of the Millennial Occupation Government, which will be the most clownish and comical occurrence in human history to date. The Millennials will literally try to implement Green/Brown/Tranny Communism and send the country hurtling into a new dark age.
Say what you will about that, but at least it won’t be so boring anymore.
Personally, I’ll be having too much fun leading a Zoomerwaffen battalion in the Reclamation Wars to mourn the passing of Boomerica.
Beside, lawns will be banned in the Gamer Republic. Americans will be forced to grow vegetables and other useful plants on their land like civilized people again.