Cringe-Lord David Hogg Claims He Has Survived 7 Different Assassination Attempts

Roy Batty
Daily Stormer
June 26, 2019

I think it’s safe to say that this story is true and probably not an exaggeration in the slightest. In fact, I’d say seven times is probably low-balling it.

Let’s be real here, the whole country wants this poor kid dead. 

It’s a good thing he has an FBI handler for a father to keep him safe.

The Hill:

Parkland shooting survivor David Hogg said he has been the target of seven “assassination attempts” in the last year.

The vocal supporter of gun-control legislation detailed his experiences throughout the last 18 months as he went from regular high school student to one of the faces of the school safety movement in an interview with the Washington Post published Tuesday. He was not asked for further details about the threats.

You know, if someone said that they had narrowly avoided death seven times in the last two years, I would have probably asked for more details. That is, of course, unless I sympathized with the assassins because I was forced to interview Hogg and had to cut the interview short to make sense of my confusing feelings.

You know, I think I have some insight into why so many people want David Hogg dead. 

What it really boils down to isn’t his anti-gun, pro-false flag stance, but his very cringe-inducing persona.

David Hogg is the cringiest kid I’ve ever seen in my life and that’s saying a lot because I’ve been to an IRL internet edgelord meet-up or two in my time.

His pinched and puckered misshapen face makes me physically ill.

And I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

People as malformed as David need to be kept off our nation’s television screens and out of sight of cameras in general because extreme levels of cringe often times elicit a violent reaction in people forced to endure it for too long.

I’m not even memeing here. 

We’ve all known a cringe-lord or two from our teenage years whom everyone eventually got sick of and wanted to physically throttle.

Cringe is not a joke.

Elevated cringe levels are the leading cause of murder in America behind niggers and ethnic food, but the media simply refuses to talk about it!

Let me give you the quick rundown here:

See, if mild bullying doesn’t work at first, kids have to resort to harsher and harsher methods to discourage the behavior. Sometimes, the cringe just doesn’t stop, no matter what you try.

More often than not though, the cringe-lord would just… disappear after a while.

I never really understood what happened to these people, and I always assumed that someone had simply murdered them in the woods, but now I know that most of them made their way over to Reddit and are banished from IRL interactions.

Funny enough, I always empathized with who I assumed were their killers because, because, before the internet, murder was the only way to rid yourself of the cringe. These unsung heroes were doing us all a favor and taking one for the team – at least that was the way I saw it. Whenever I passed by someone who used to hang out with a cringe-lord who had since gone missing, I would give them a slow and deliberate nod, maybe even a thumbs-up to let them know I appreciated what they had done.

So I assume this is probably what was happening with Hogg as well.

Because of his media ambitions, and the spotlight on the guns issue, there was just no respite from the cringe for regular people because Hogg just kept getting beamed into their living rooms and onto magazine covers at the checkout aisle. In other words, it became clear to a lot of people that Hogg wouldn’t ever accept his natural banishment to Reddit and would keep popping back up in the news to talk about really gay shit in a really infuriating way.

I suspect that Hogg’s classmates just couldn’t handle his antics anymore and a few of them no doubt tried to lure him into the woods on several occasions.

It ends now.

Again, we have to show a little empathy before we just outright condemn them for trying the ol’ “hide and seek in a mineshaft” game because really, what other recourse did these children have?

Think about it this way:

Cringing occurs when you mentally put yourself into the shoes of someone doing embarrassing things. 

Some examples of commonly occurring cringe-inducing moments:

  • Seeing a Nice Guy ™ hit on a girl and get rejected
  • Watching teenagers forced to shop with their moms for clothes at Target during back to school season
  • Being stuck in an elevator with a ‘tard and their handler, desperately trying not to breath in so that you don’t get infected and praying to Jesus that it doesn’t try to talk with you or, God forbid, touch you

It is not a pleasant feeling to be forced to endure.

Because cringe is infectious in a very real way.

It preys on empathetic people and makes them go nuts.

Inshallah, Hogg-degree cringe should be punishable by death, but clearly, our society has a long way to go before it recognizes the pain and suffering of cringe victims nationwide and stops victim-blaming against people trying to assassinate David Hogg.

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