April 17, 2019
The nation was in mourning after the media reported that Florida Man was killed by a large flightless bird.
But we should have known that not even death can kill Florida Man.
He was back in the news this week after being arrested for chasing down his thieving wife with a tractor.
Florida man was arrested by sheriff’s deputies last week for allegedly driving a tractor into his wife’s car in an attempt to stop her from leaving a Paxton home.
The husband, identified as Danny Lee Stewart, was booked into the Walton County Jail on April 13 and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. The wife was not named in the arrest report, which was obtained this week by The News Herald.
Stewart, age 64, told police that his partner had been trying to leave with “his stuff.” But according to the arrest report cited in the Herald, his wife told deputies the man crashed a tractor through a fence in an attempt to stop her from leaving. She said he also smashed into the driver’s side back window and door of her vehicle with the tractor’s pallet forks, but she was able to flee.
The News Herald reported an officer noted damage on the wife’s truck aligned with information provided by the woman. While context remains unclear, the arrest report said the incident was sparked following an argument after the wife briefly went home to pick up some items.
Stewart was detained by deputies from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office after the suspected domestic disturbance, which occurred close to the Walton County Fire and Rescue station. His mugshot was posted online by a system maintained by the Northwest Florida Daily News.
Only Florida Man would be charged with using a tractor as a deadly weapon. This is oppression of a popular folk hero by Jews.
Florida Man represents the true American spirit and the spirits of Florida in particular.
The cops can’t hold him, just like death cannot hold him – he’ll be back on the loose and having more wacky adventures by tomorrow.