August 19, 2019
Greenland is a magical place where somehow snow melts even though there are permanent icebergs floating around it.
The Danish have refused to acquiesce to our modest proposal.
Let’s see how that works out for them.
Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen has labeled the idea of selling Greenland to the US as “absurd,” after President Donald Trump said Washington may look into purchasing the icy island.
The suggestion of selling off Greenland, a Danish dependency, will not on the table any time soon, Frederiksen told newspaper Sermitsiaq during a visit to the island on Sunday.
“Greenland is not for sale. Greenland is not Danish. Greenland belongs to Greenland. I strongly hope that this is not meant seriously.”
Greenland made headlines last week after reports that Trump had “on multiple occasions” brought up the idea of purchasing the island from Denmark. The president later confirmed that he would be “interested” to discuss this issue. “Strategically for the United States, it would be nice,” he said.
I think we need to keep all options on the table.
And by that I mean military intervention in order to liberate the people of Greenland from the oppression of Denmark.
A war of conquest against Greenland would be much better than a war of Jewish aggression against Venezuela or Iran, because it would actually be funny.
We could really heck up their darn faces.
And this would serve as a steam valve for the boomer desire to be at constant war as well as an outlet for Trump’s cabinet of neoconservative shills who are compulsively obsessed with death and destruction.
It can be done. They can be liberated. We can take this pointless territory and turn it into a beautiful monument to American ingenuity, just as we’ve done with the Puerto Rican colony.
We will bring democracy to Greenland once and for all, and if anyone tries to stand in our way, it’s over for them.