March 21, 2018
It didn’t kill you.
You did a thing and you’re still fine.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions is encouraging all U.S. attorneys to pursue the death penalty in certain drug cases, hours after President Trump said this option needs to be considered more.
“I strongly encourage federal prosecutors to use these statutes, when appropriate, to aid in our continuing fight against drug trafficking and the destruction it causes in our nation,” Sessions wrote in a memo sent Tuesday and made public Wednesday.
President Trump brought up the proposal during a speech Monday in New Hampshire in which he rolled out his administration’s new plan to fight opioid abuse.
“If we don’t get tough on the drug dealers, we’re wasting our time,” Trump told the crowd. ”That toughness includes the death penalty.”
Sessions said in his memo that because the opioid epidemic killed more than 64,000 American in 2016, “we cannot continue with business as usual.”
It’s quite possible we could be entering an era where “Do-Nothing Jeff” becomes “Doing a Thing Jeff.”
Seriously, execution for drug dealers is a big deal. I didn’t realize the Attorney General could just order something like that – I thought it had to exist in law already.
Obviously at this point we’re still a long way away from people actually getting executed for drug dealing. If a judge went along with this, there is no way the sentence would stand and someone would actually be executed.
That won’t be happening for a pretty long while.
That’s why I have offered that in the interim, Donald Trump begin deputizing groups of masked men on motorcycles who drive around shooting drug dealers in the head. It’s a little plan I like to call “The Anglin Death Squad Protocol” or just “The Anglin Protocol” or more dramatically “The Protocol of the Learned Elder Anglin.”
I have already prepared a white paper on this topic for the President’s review entitled “7 Creative Uses for Right-Wing Death Squads in America.”
This is the idea. But a bit old school.
This works. Might be a little much.
Something like this. Oh but that’s just a comic book. Can’t have multiple missile launchers and lasers on a single motorcycle.
Yup. There we go. Bingo. Paint it black and ship it.
Though we want to remain in reality, Trump will need to take one tip from the Punisher when he organizes these motorcycle death squads: custom sound-suppressing mufflers.
And I know we’re just getting started with the death squad agenda, and it is going to be weeks before the details are worked out and these special forces-trained killers are let loose on the streets to indiscriminately slaughter the filth giving this poison to our kids Filipino-style, but what if – just hear me out here – what if they wore Predator helmets with the Punisher logo on them?
These things are already in production by Rezzer Custom, and the fully tricked-out model is only $1,372 – with the gosh-darn LASER SIGHT.