March 27, 2018
Oh, ye fine Oxford men… what were you thinking?
Steeped in history and enshrined in academic prestige, Oxford is one of the world’s most famous university cities. It was the place where JRR Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings. It was the city of gentlemen.
But, in recent times, the gentlemen of Oxford have become… less gentlemanly.
Sure, they still dress like dandies, speak like Prince Charles and enjoy debating the merits of Homer’s The Iliad down the local pub. But, for reasons that continue to elude the police, those men acquired an insatiable desire to rape schoolgirls – and the law has finally caught up with them.
Seven men have been found guilty of grooming and sexually abusing teenage girls “on a massive scale” in Oxford.
The gang was convicted of more than 20 offences including rape and indecent assault between 1998 and 2005.
Prosecutor Oliver Saxby QC said they carried out the “routine, cynical and predatory sexual exploitation” of vulnerable girls who were groomed with alcohol and drugs.
The five victims were aged between 13 and 15 when the offences started.
Opening the case at Oxford Crown Court, Mr Saxby said the gang preyed on girls who had a background of problems at home.
What led these Oxford men down the wrong path?
Det Ch Insp Mark Glover said the convictions were only possible because of the “incredible bravery” of the gang’s victims.
He said: “This group of men subjected them to an almost unimaginable level of cruelty and sexual abuse over a significant period of time.
“To have come through that trauma, and to have been able to help and support us throughout our investigation is a testament to the strength of their characters.”
Though most of the gang have been arrested, their leader – the notorious Count Basil Shaggington the Perfidious – remains at large.
Jeez. If you can’t trust Oxford men, who can you trust?
Clearly, the only solution to this problem is to go full 1984. Oxford needs more CCTV cameras on every cobbled aisle, more aggressive licensing laws for alcohol and carbonated drinks, more police with tazers patrolling the streets, and, eventually, the microchipping of all citizens.
I know that sounds extreme, but if you can think of a better way to prevent Oxford men from raping little girls, I’d like to hear it.