April 27, 2018
Good news, everyone.
The family of Tim Bergling, the Swedish dance music star known as Avicii, who died on April 20 at age 28, have released a second statement, three days after their first. It is unclear what the message means, although it implies that he took his own life. A rep did not immediately reply to Variety‘s request for clarification, however the statement’s original wording in Swedish makes the implication more overt, one Swedish-speaking source says. A police report is expected in the coming days. The message reads:
Stockholm, 26 April 2018
Our beloved Tim was a seeker, a fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions.
An over-achieving perfectionist who travelled and worked hard at a pace that led to extreme stress.
When he stopped touring, he wanted to find a balance in life to be happy and be able to do what he loved most – music.
He really struggled with thoughts about Meaning, Life, Happiness.
He could not go on any longer.
He wanted to find peace.
Tim was not made for the business machine he found himself in; he was a sensitive guy who loved his fans but shunned the spotlight.
Yeah yeah, blah blah blah – no one gives a shit.
I was hoping that Moslems had thrown him off a roof for those songs he made, which destroyed so many people’s lives.
But the important thing is that he’s dead.
And these songs have stopped.
Normally I Would Say
In this situation I would normally give the kids a PSA about how getting unlimited amounts of pussy doesn’t lead to happiness, as is generally the theory of young men.
But this guy appears to have killed himself simply because he was a pussy faggot who couldn’t deal with life.
He was only 28 and wasn’t even taking advantage of the infinity pussy option – he had a kike girlfriend.
A literal Goldberg kike.
So yeah anyway, giving that PSA in relation to this story might be a little bit dishonest.
It is still true – infinity pussy does not bring joy and personal fulfillment – but it just doesn’t really apply here.
A better lesson here is that you need to do something meaningful with your life, to not be a faggot pussy bitchboy, to not make gay songs for women that destroy men’s lives.
You need to work to change the world for the better, so that your life and your limited existence here has an impact on the nature of reality after you are dead.
If you’re going to hurt people, rape or murder them – don’t destroy their souls with terrible EDM.
Rot in hell, Avicii.
And I just want to give Avicii’s family a special message: you should all kill yourselves as well.
We should try to get the phone numbers of his parents so we can call them and demand an apology for these songs.
Seriously – “wake me up when its all over” was the worst, worst, worst, worst fucking song that has EVER BEEN MADE.
But for at least one year solid, if you wanted to engage in a sexual act with a woman, you had to listen to it not less than FIFTEEN TIMES IN ONE NIGHT.
That’s really honestly what got me on the “hookers only” train as much as anything else. More than anything else. That fucking “wake me up when I’m wiser and older” song.
So I guess for that I can thank you, Avicii. As hookers are the truly logical course.
Nonetheless, his family does need to issue an official apology.
Like, they need to release an Iran hostage style video of them just begging every man in the world forgiveness for having given birth to this person.