Shmuley Ben Shekelheim
New York Times
January 15, 2019
In response to Steve King’s virulent racial hatred, which involved false claims that “Western civilization” is not an offensive term which oppresses already victimized people of color, Congressional Republican leaders have announced that they will be putting on a live show featuring their wives having sex with black men.
Billed as “Abraham Lincoln’s Mandingo Extravaganza to Stop White People,” Kevin McCarthy, Mitch McConnell and Mitt Romney will all offer up their wives to to black men, while they sit on the couch, watching and masturbating. The show will air live on C-SPAN.
Kevin McCarthy told the Times that he “searched far and wide to find the biggest black buck in America” to “give his wife what she deserves, in the name of Abraham Lincoln.”
Mitch McConnell also stressed that he worked hard to find an extremely large African American man to “destroy” what he referred to as “my wife’s tight little oriental pussy.”
“I can’t wait to see that big black dick split her in half,” McConnell added, smiling widely.
When McConnell was informed by the Times that the word “oriental” is an offensive slur, he began crying.
The night’s final event will be Mitt Romney’s wife doing a 30-man “ghetto gangbang,” which will end with all thirty African American men ejaculating in her mouth.
After the upcoming Extravaganza was announced, Romney told CNN’s Don Lemon that the gangbang will be “really rough” and would involve “humiliating BDSM.”
“Let me tell you Don, the deepthroat is going to be brutal. And when I say brutal, I mean ‘brutal’ with a capital ‘b.'”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Lemon replied. “Like all Americans, I can’t wait to watch it.
I’m getting hot just thinking about it,” Romney told Lemon. He then gestured that he wanted to masturbate on air, saying “Don, you mind?”
Lemon responded that he was fine with Romney masturbating, but suggested that he also “give me your other hand.”
“It’s my duty to the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to give you whatever you want, my honored and oppressed true American hero,” Romney replied as he began unfastening Don Lemon’s belt.
“Well in that case, go ahead and suck it,” Lemon said.
CNN skipped the commercial breaks to air the 25 minute sex scene between the two. They later announced that they will be releasing the interview and homosexual sex scene as an educational device entitled “Suck It for Lincoln” for pre-school teachers to show to 5-year-olds to teach them why racism is bad.
Tim Scott, the only black Republican, said that he is happy about the upcoming Mandingo Extravaganza, but fears that white men will watch the live stream and not masturbate, which he claims would “defeat the entire purpose.”
“I can already see them white boys watching this live and not even jerking it, no matter how good a brother be working that pussy,” Scott told the Times.
Since Scott initially voiced his fears, a federal judge in American Samoa has issued a decree ordering that all white men in America must watch the Extravaganza and must masturbate while watching it.
The event is set to air on Friday night on C-SPAN. It is also expected that all major networks will be picking it up, as it is evident that it would be racist not to.