July 31, 2018
Of the many reasons why being a fat fuck is bad for you, “animal rights” – or “fraternizing with your food” as I like to think of it – is very, very low on the list.
But it’s still a reason, just in case you needed another one to not turn yourself into a lardbeast.
Donkeys on the picturesque Greek island of Santorini are being crippled by carrying heavy holidaymakers – as locals resort to cross-breeding the beasts with mules so they can carry heavier tourists.
So the local NEON-NAZIS there are using EUGENICS in order to breed a MULE MASTER RACE strong enough to carry fat people from America without breaking their backs, huh?
Between the peak summer months of May to October, up to five cruise ships a day bringing swarms of 1,200 tourists visit the small island to marvel at its idyllic white houses.
Santorini is known for its hilly terrain and donkeys have traditionally been used to transport people over the famously stepped areas which vehicles cannot access, such as in capital Fira.
The hilly terrain sounds like a great opportunity to GET SOME EXERCISE AND NOT BE A FAT FUCK ANYMORE!
But animal rights activists claim with obesity on the rise, the animals are being forced to carry ever-heavier loads while they work long hours, seven days a week without shelter, rest and water – leaving them with spinal injuries and open wounds from ill-fitting saddles.
That’s a small price to pay for dying of a heart attack in your 50s.
Oh, and feeling good.
“I tried every diet there is, then immediately went back to stuffing my face with anything that fit in my mouth that I could grab without any effort”
‘The obese and overweight tourists, combined with the lack of shade and water as well as the sheer heat and 568 cobbled steps, is what is causing such a problem.
‘There should be a weight restriction. With donkeys it is should be no more than eight stone, but how would that be imposed and who would be there to make sure that happened?
Eight stone is around 50 kilograms, which is roughly the weight of a healthy adult woman, depending on her height.
Or as fat people would put it – “AN ARBITRARY UNREALISTIC BEAUTY STANDARD THAT MEANS NOTHING! EAT A SANDWICH!”
Christina Kaloudi, 42, moved to the island from Athens 10 years ago and set up the Santorini Animal Welfare Association to help overworked donkeys.
That’s a weird hobby to have…
Still, at least she’s not feeding nigglets or anything.
She said in the last 10 years she has noticed the number of overweight tourists arriving on the island from America, Russia and the UK has trebled.
Locals claim every day the donkeys make four to five journeys up the white cobbled steps to the town of Fira with its iconic white building in temperature of up to 86F (30C), often with no rest, no protect from the sun, ill-fitting tack and no water.
She said: ‘The holiday season on islands is now a lot longer than it used to be, meaning that the donkeys are pretty much in work the whole year round.
‘If they are not transporting tourists up the steps they are moving building materials or transporting heavy bags of rubbish.
‘There are some good owners out there that follow the code but generally donkeys are worked into the ground and then disposed of when their working lives are over.
‘They are made to work in terrible conditions without adequate water, shelter or rest and then I find them tied outside my shelter, barely alive.’
Yeah, overworking them probably isn’t helping, but still – they’re donkeys.
Donkeys are bred to work, it’s just that “work” used to mean carrying humans, not carrying whales with legs.
After we get rid of the Kikes and their darkie pets – fat people should be the next to go.
If Der Tag comes and you’re still barrel-shaped, then you deserve every single harpoon.
Editor's Note: It is probably more Australian and British women than American women. They are both technically fatter than we are, and they are also much more likely to travel.
Note that the US are a tiny bit fatter, technically, but it is because of the blacks and the Mexicans. In reality, I think if we remove occupying brown sludge, both British and Australians are fatter than Americans.
Here's a 2014 just Europe map - they aren't that much thinner than the US. The US being fat is largely a result of memes on the internet created by Europeans who are jealous of our freedoms.
Real talk: low 20%s (mainland Europe) is not that much better than high 20%s (Anglosphere). But it's not a contest. We all need to get our shit together, bros (mainly by regulating the diets of our females, using abusive language and physical violence).
And also by reading the Stormer food advice column, which starts this Friday.