September 21, 2019
According to scientific polling data, anti-warm weather activist Greta Thunberg has the lowest “smash” rate of any 16-year-old girl on the planet, due to being a disgusting little retard.
And that polling data was collected before the above speech, given in Manhattan yesterday, where she moved her flippers around like a praying mantis.
When I was a boy, I was very interested in catching insects. The most interesting one of all was of course the praying mantis, and they were very difficult to find in central Ohio.
When I was 9, I caught a Chinese mantis, which is a serious 5-incher. Really, quite a thing.
It is very good luck and it brought me peace.
It is also very rare to find a retarded little weirdo like Greta Thunberg – however, if you do find one, it is not good luck and it will not bring you peace.
It is very bad luck, and it will bring you the very bad problem of a bunch of lunatics out on the streets babbling some cult gibberish about white people needing to repent in order to stop sunny weather.
The bitch thinks she’s Nell Trent and the media wants you to believe it, but she suspiciously looks like Daniel Quilp and appears as ominous. And I suspect it’s she who’ll be owning your store at the end of this story, and you who will be dying in the street.
I am old enough to remember when sunshine and happiness were a good thing and the weirdest person you were going to see on TV was Michael Stipe, the singer from REM, who is not even 2% as weird as Greta Thunberg the fetal alcohol freak.
I want to go back to the days of puritanical Christian cults.
Or at least UFO sex cults.
Rael might be a kike, and I’d rather go full puritan than full orgy – but I’ll tell you what, lad: I’d rather have an orgy to attempt to summon the UFOs than eat maggots and buy a $90,000 sports car.
This weather apocalypse cult sucks and I hate it.
Seriously: imagine all possible global cult movements, then try to think of which one would be shittier than this.
Firstly, doomsday cults are the worst kind of cult, but even other doomsday cults are better than the global warming cult.
Aum Shinrikyo had way better optics.
And we also don’t even know if their predictions are wrong yet. We already know that global warming is wrong. You can disprove this stupid hoax with science – you can’t disprove Jesus/Buddha nuclear war sin transference before the apocalypse of John’s Revelation.
Speaking of Aum Shinrikyo – Greta Thunberg appears to be threatening to release sarin gas and should really be arrested as a terrorist.
I don’t want to eat maggots and I don’t want to buy a $90,000 sports car. I don’t want to be told what to do by a little retarded girl who swivels all around like an arachnid when she threatens terror against my nation.
But I suppose like everything these days… it’s what it is.