June 22, 2018
Condoms – innocent contraceptives, or deadly war machines?
Nazis keep whining that Americans are sending billions of dollars to Israel in order to bolster their military, which they then use to “oppress” Palestinians.
But what these Nazis fail to understand is that the poor, persecuted Jews are the only democracy in the Middle East.
Moreover, they face insurmountable odds in their struggle to preserve freedom and human rights and whatever else.
Their enemies are legion, and employ some of the most sophisticated military hardware ever developed.
Without new, state of the art defense systems, Israel will not survive.
Condoms have moved out of the bedroom and into the air in the Gaza Strip, where they’ve become the newest weapon against Israel.
Yes, goyim – condoms are actually terrifying weapons of mass destruction.
Sometimes tied together for added buoyancy, the inflated prophylactics are attached to gas-soaked rags, other burning items or explosive devices, then flown over the border like balloons into southern Israel, where they set fire to farmlands and nature reserves.
You may laugh, thinking “how many explosives can a condom balloon actually lift?”
Well, here’s a reality check:
That’s right: a nuke. Or at least, a 3d model of a nuke I found online.
If these Palestinians aren’t stopped, you’re looking at a complete condomocausting of the entire country of Israel.
Despite the conservative nature of Gazan society, especially under the rule of the Islamist Hamas movement, condoms are widely available in local pharmacies. They’ve joined an array of airborne incendiary devices dispatched across the border that have caused millions of shekels in damage.
An estimated 6,000 acres have been destroyed in hundreds of blazes caused by flaming kites, helium balloons, and now condoms, according to Israeli officials. Some of the fires have burned as long as 10 hours, firefighters say, ruining crops and killing wildlife.
The military has struggled to deal with these crude but effective weapons. It initially employed drones to take them down as they cross the border, but hundreds eluded the high-tech challenge.
Jews may be equipped with drone bombers, but they’re helpless before the mighty power of the condom.
Drones are so 2015.
The only solution here is clearly to outlaw all condoms – worldwide. And just to be sure, let’s outlaw all forms of contraceptives.
After all, other forms of birth control may be used in a similarly damaging way.
The female condom is widely used to torture Jews in horrible ways.
There are also rumors that Palestinians may be planning to poison Israel’s water supply with birth control pills, in order to feminize their men further.
It may already be too late.
All in all, banning all contraceptives, world wide, is the only way to save the Jews.
Sorry, skanks. You’ll just have to put up with going back to the kitchen.