September 4, 2019
On the face of it, we already crossed the “animals on planes” Rubicon decades ago when we started allowing ape-people of various stink levels and crappy hues of brown on our aircraft back in the… 60s?
At least, I think it was the 60s.
I can’t imagine black people having enough money or agency to get into planes before Lyndon B. Johnson started the practice of handing them wads of cash from the White working man’s wallet. Anyways, we’ve all seen the emotional support dogs that go on these flights now. Why not horses?
Horses are much safer to have on planes than Arabs, that’s for sure.
They smell better too.
That’s probably why people have started taking them on planes.
American Airlines passengers were left stunned after noticing a miniature HORSE had joined their flight.
Evan Nowak said he noticed the animal, which had been brought onboard by a fellow traveller, while flying on an a service from Chicago to Omaha.
He posted the footage to Twitter, which showed the horse calmly sitting near the front of the plane in an aisle seat.
“At this time we would like to begin boarding with any active duty military, families traveling with children under the age of 3, and horses…” @AmericanAir @LilNasX @barstoolsports @BarstoolILLSt @realslimshanny @UNITEDA1RLINES @billyraycyrus @SouthwestAir @TSA @Kat103Omaha pic.twitter.com/qVRLCH4IFc
— Evan Nowak (@ecnowak) August 30, 2019
He added: “At this time we would like to begin boarding with any active duty military, families travelling with children under the age of 3, and horses…”
Another passenger, Amberley Babbage, also spotted the animal at check in, tweeting: “There was a small horse in line at the airport today and I’m so curious about it. #ORD”
The horse was later revealed to be called Flirty – and even has its own Twitter and Instagram account.
It warms the heart.
I do think that we should take the occasion to absolutely draw the red line in the sand at snakes though.
Don’t get me wrong, I love all of God’s little critters, but snakes are mean and shouldn’t be trusted onboard planes. We’ve already run thought experiments on what would happen.
And the thing is that flying is already an uncomfortable experience as it is, and eventually, they’re just going to turn the whole thing into a flying zoo.
We need strict limits and guidelines figured out now before we let the situation get out of control. Because this whole “emotional support animal” loophole is really a textbook example of the whole “camel’s nose in the tent” parable. First, it was cute beagles and terriers being held on fat single housewives’ laps on short two hour American Airlines flights from New York to Orlando.
That was fine.
Now, we’re already at the level of horses – which again, for the record, I support.
But I can see where this is going and that’s why I feel like we have to preemptively start discriminating against amphibians and reptiles and anything with more than four legs. Airlines need to institute a speciest policy only allowing mammals aboard airplanes. Reptiles are inferior and make people uncomfortable – they should be forced to fly on their own planes.
Also: no niggerdogs.