May 18, 2019
You may think that you live in the land of the free and the home of the brave… but the heavens will open and rain down righteous petty old people wrath on you for not keeping your grass short.
Dunedin’s Jim Ficken tells FOX 13 he may be about to lose his home because his grass grew too high.
According to Jim and his attorneys, while he was out of town last summer, taking care of his late mother’s estate, his grass grew and grew and grew. He says he paid a friend to cut it, but that friend died unexpectedly.
”The grass did what grass does… and a code inspector saw it was more than the 10 inches the city allows and Jim was on the hook,” said Andrew Ward, one of Jim’s attorneys from the Institute for Justice.
SHALL NOT BE… higher than 10 inches.
It’s in the Constitution. The Boomer Constitution, that is:
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of a Better Lawn Than Bob From Across the Street
The man in question must have been some kind of a sicko to not do everything in his power to mow his lawn anyway.
He had to be kicked out.
But seriously though, can we just admit that this obsession with lawn care is bizarre?
Where did it even come from? You don’t have it in Europe.
I assume that, like all the bizarre rules and customs that you have in America, this one had something to do with White people coming up with another ingenious and indirect way of keeping the blacks at bay without being explicitly racist. Because non-Whites don’t care about their lawns as much as Whites do, you can, in theory, aggressively fine them until they leave your neighborhood.
As time went on though, the Dao of the Lawn was corrupted and people began to forget why the laws and teachings of intensive lawn care were put in place to begin with: to defend Americans from the savage brown inner-city hordes.
The Boomers began to lose their way.
They began following the letter of the law and secretly measuring the inches on people’s lawns while they were at work to try and get them fined, instead of just using the law to keep their neighborhoods White and tick-free.
The law can go too far. I ask you thusly: would Boomer Jesus have done the same to this poor man?
The law can go too far.
It’s time we reel back the lawn care cult before they ruin anyone else’s life with their zealotry.