September 20, 2019
As Mike Pompeo is in Saudi Arabia calling for a war against Iran that every single person in America who isn’t Jewish is against, he is facing increasing pressure to prove that he is not a child-fucking cannibal.
Many people find it absolutely bizarre that despite all of the economic and social problems that America is facing, the obese slob Pompeo is in the Middle East attempting to incite a war in the name of a foreign country, and many believe that the explanation for this behavior is that Pompeo is a pedophile who engages in ritual cannibalism.
“I’m having trouble paying my mortgage, the wife is draining me on child support, my oldest boy just OD’d on fentanyl and I just lost my trucking job to a Somalian, and this fat sonovabitch is talking about how we need to start a war with Iran?” said Mike Jones of Gary, Indiana. “The guy is either completely insane or he has some kind of weird, satanic agenda.”
Jones said that he would not be surprised to find that Pompeo rapes infants and engages in ritual cannibalism as part of a satanic agenda.
“That makes about as much sense as anything else I’ve heard to explain why when we’ve got every single problem you can think of in America this man is trying to start a war in the Middle East,” Jones explained. “And the sumnabitch sure do look evil, don’t he?”
Thus far, there is no “smoking gun” proving that Mike Pompeo rapes babies or engages in cannibalism. Experts say that short of a confession by Pompeo himself, or DNA evidence proving his crimes, Pompeo will likely be able to continue getting away with it, if he is doing it at all, which most people believe he is.
“There is no such thing as a moral morbidly obese slob,” said Dr. Jimbo Slohango, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas. “Not all morbidly obese people are child rapists and cannibals, many are simply chronic masturbators, gropers, humpers and peeping toms. I wouldn’t be surprised to find Mike Pompeo installing a hidden camera in a public bathroom and I wouldn’t be surprised to find him engaging in a satanic cannibal ritual. But we just don’t have the evidence yet.”
Regardless of the lack of a smoking gun, a recent Rasmussen poll showed that an overwhelming majority of Americans believe that Pompeo is a satanic cannibal.
For his part, Pompeo has refused to explain whether or not he rapes infants or engages in satanic rituals consuming human flesh as a way to gain demonic powers.
However, his boss, President Donald Trump, has attempted to assure the public that this is not the case.
Nonetheless, concerns continue to mount.