November 30, 2018
The Jews are experiencing a crisis once experienced by the 100 years war, where approaching a century after the event, people forget that it happened, because they aren’t old enough to remember or to have known anyone who remembers it happening.
Only this time, the event being forgotten is the most important one in all of human history: 6 million Jews being stuffed into gas chambers and then being made into furniture and cleaning products by Adolph Hitler.
A survey of more than 7,000 Europeans across the continent revealed the Holocaust might soon no longer be a household term, as one in 20 Europeans admitted they’d never heard of the event that involved the mass murder of nearly 6 million Jews, 7 million Soviets and 2 million non-Jewish Polish civilians.
A CNN/ComRes poll released Tuesday interviewed more than 1,000 people each in Austria, France, Germany, Great Britain, Hungary, Poland and Sweden, and revealed a lack of knowledge about the Holocaust and attitudes toward Jews, as well as Muslims and other minority communities.
While the Holocaust is arguably one of the most tragic events in the past century, one in 20 Europeans admitted they’d never heard of it.
The number of respondents who have never heard of the Holocaust escalated among younger people in France, where one in five people between the age of 18 and 34 responded they’ve never heard of the historic event.
What the Jews need to do is what Dr. Dre did in the early 2000s to reestablish his brand.
They need to bring in a young and popular upcoming rapper, and associate the Holocaust with him.
After reestablishing their brand, they need need to launch some kind of branded Holocaust electronic consumer product that they can then sell for billions to Apple.
Dre already did headphones.
So maybe Jews could do vibrators.
“Does it feel as hot as a gas chamber inside your vagina? Well, maybe it’s time to liberate the sensation with a Holocaust brand dildo.”
Just spitballing here, but I think that would work.
Tim Cook would buy that.
Then, your brand lives forever as a part of the Apple brand – “Holocaust Dildos by The Jews, Designed in California by Apple.”
That is what I like to call “permanent brand recognition.”
I will do further consulting on this topic for $700 an hour to any Jews looking to reinvigorate the Holocaust brand.
Here’s another little hint that I won’t reveal details of until you Jews start paying me $700 an hour: the Holocaust brand is too associated with “suffering,” which people associate with losing, so the Holocaust needs to start winning. Sports stars, black and white billboards featuring Hugh Jackman, Gisele Bundchen, beauty product lines, fashion cross-deals with designer brands – the sky is the limit and I know how to do this.
I also have an idea for a Netflix series reimagining the Holocaust in modern times with Donald Trump as Hitler and Mexicans as Jews.
Furthermore, I’ve got plans for a “shared universe” series of CGI-riddled science fiction films about the Holocaust as part of a new “Holoverse.”
Call me, Jews.
Your brand is on life-support, but I can bring it back.