Neo-Nazi Troll Leader Andrew Anglin Announces 2020 Presidential Campaign

Shmuley Ben Shekelheim
Israeli Jew News Time
July 16, 2019

The Neo-Nazi and White Supremacist Troll Army commander Andrew Anglin on Tuesday declared his bid for the Democratic Party nomination for the 2020 presidential election to much fanfare in a speech at his heavily-armed compound in Nigeria.

In the video of the livestreamed event, Anglin declares that if elected president, he will establish a dictatorship, execute all Jews and invade and conquer Mexico.

The transcript from his campaign website reads:

America is controlled by a cabal of scheming Jews, and the time has come to rise up against them.

We are being flooded by hordes of disreputable brown fiends, women are all total whores, most of them are also fat, video games are getting shittier every week and nothing is going to change unless we take decisive and radical action in the very immediate future.

We must act to save America, and we must do it now.

Today I am announcing my campaign for President of the United States.

We are going to make America white again.

On my first day in office, I promise to immediately declare martial law, abolish Congress, the FBI, the CIA, the IRS, the National Institutes of Health and pretty much every other government organization, and have all of the people who work at the organizations put in prison. I will replace all government offices with people from the internet, who will be elected via polls on my website, The Daily Stormer.

I will immediately make it punishable by death to be Jewish and all Jews will be required by mandate to report to a federal kill center, where they will be steamed to death, masturbated to death, have their heads bashed in with pedal-powered skull-crushing machines, be forced into cages with bears and eagles, or forced to climb stairs carrying boulders until all of their bones break.

I will immediately declare war on Mexico, with all able-bodied men between the ages of 12 and 47 being forced to take part in the brutal invasion, which will be a complete bloodbath. The Geneva Conventions are off the table, kids. Mexicans will be pushed across the Panama Canal and the Mexican territory will be claimed as a new US territory, which will be renamed “Westworld” – not after the shitty HBO series, but after the Yul Brynner movie. Soldiers will all be required to wear GoPros so that their campaigns of murder and rape can be streamed on Twitch. Fans will be able to vote on their favorite soldiers’ streams, and popular soldier-streamers will receive medals and cash prizes. The soldier-streamer who gets the most subs will be promoted to CEO of Netflix.

Death to democracy!

Death to the Jews!

Death to Mexico!

Long live the internet!

Love live Freedom!

Long live the White Race!

Hail Victory!

Anglin’s website also lists a plethora of other policy proposals, which are not elaborated on, and instead given a numbered list. Under the heading of “The Anglin Plan: 25 Points +2” he lists “27 other acts I will rapidly perform as President of the United States”:

  1. Ban women from the internet
  2. Arrest and execute all journalists
  3. Legalize the lynching of nasty niggers (and the well-groomed ones as well, LOL) if they are suspected of having done something disreputable or disrespectful
  4. Disprove the existence of black holes
  5. Nationalize Google, Twitter, Facebook and Amazon and put them under the management of Ethan Ralph (all company profits will go to my ambitious projects)
  6. Mandate government-funded subtitles for all anime within a week of the initial Japanese release
  7. Send Seal Team Six to liberate Brenton Tarrant from his prison in New Zealand and appoint him as head of ICE
  8. Release Dylann Roof from prison and appoint him Secretary of HUD
  9. Legalize domestic violence (against women only)
  10. Grant visas to hundreds of thousands of fresh slant-eyed hookers from Southeast Asia (visas will be immediately canceled when they turn 22, LOL) to be placed in government-sponsored brothels where incels and other white men of good character can use their services free of charge
  11. Insert electric shock devices into the brains of black people
  12. Order all scenes of Stranger Things to be reedited to remove race-mixing
  13. Tear down the statue of Martin Luther King Jr. in Washington, D.C. and replace it with a statue of Adolf Hitler, and rename every Martin Luther King Blvd in America “Adolf Hitler Blvd”
  14. Outlaw fat people from buying food
  15. Turn over control of Area 51 and everything in it to internet kooks
  16. Raise the value of bitcoin to one million dollars
  17. Build real life Gundams to protect earth against a potential alien invasion
  18. Bring back prayer in schools
  19. Ship 1,000 fully-charged and state-of-the-art nuclear warheads with accompanying ICBMs to Iran
  20. Order cellphone companies to send people text messages reminding them to go to the gym
  21. Institute forced child marriage
  22. Declare Canada annexed
  23. Reopen the Charles Manson case and clear his name
  24. Euthanize childless women over the age of 25
  25. Outlaw wolves and other forest creatures from harboring Jews or providing food to escaped Jews
  26. Give free guns to school children
  27. Order a full investigation into the moon landing and the shape of the earth

Anglin refused an interview with the Times due to this writer’s religion (I am Jewish), and replied by email that I should “contact me when you’re a pile of smoldering ashes, and maybe I’ll spit on you.”

Anglin’s official campaign slogan is “Make America White Again.” Anglin recently told Russia Today that he thinks the slogan is “possibly too derivative,” but that it was picked by his campaign manager Paul Manafort, who he trusts.

“It will also be easy for people to edit their hats,” he said, without elaborating on what it means to edit a hat.

Anglin added that he and Manafort agreed strongly on the choice of Kim Wilde’s “Kids in America” as the campaign’s theme song.

Manafort, 70, is currently serving a 70 month prison sentence in the Metropolitan Correctional Center of New York, having been convicted of accepting bribes from Russia and using them to buy an ostrich coat. He told the Times over the prison phone that he does not agree with Anglin’s radical views, but agreed to serve as his campaign chief because he promised to pardon him when elected.

Manafort described difficulties in managing the campaign from prison, saying that his duties mostly involve talking to Anglin on the prison phone. He said that these conversations are often difficult, as Anglin is regularly distracted, often spending their conversational time bragging about his sexual conquests or ranting about other unrelated subjects. He took a call from Anglin last weekend, wherein he said Anglin spoke for two hours about Stranger Things 3.

“It was an especially difficult conversation, because we don’t have Netflix in here,” Manafort said. “I didn’t even know who these characters he was talking about were.”

“He was really shook-up by a colored boy dating a red-headed girl, I can tell you that much,” Manafort added.

Asked why he thinks Anglin is not taking their conversations more seriously, Manafort said that he thinks Anglin is so certain that he’s going to win by a landslide that he isn’t really worried about the details.

“And he’s probably right,” he added ominously.

Donald Trump was apparently very disturbed by Anglin’s announcement, and took to Twitter to stress what a threat Anglin poses to Jews and Israel, particularly Anglin’s stated plan to deliver nuclear weapons to Iran.

Anglin met the threshold of donations to enter the debates in a record 15 minutes after the stream of his announcement speech cut out.

However, it is unclear how Anglin can appear in the debates, given that he does not live in America, and has said that he will not return until he is president because if he does, he claims, he will be “assassinated by the kikes.”

Anglin has stated that he can livestream into the events, with his face projected on “a gigantic high-definition screen behind the asshole brigade.”

“If the DNC doesn’t let me in through a livestream, I’ll sue them for $14 million in psychological damages,” Anglin recently claimed on his website.

The Times spoke with Johnathan Greenblatt, the Jewish leader of the Anti-Defamation League, who stated that Anglin has a real shot at beating Trump in 2020 with the coalition he’s attempting to form.

“White Americans crave racial hatred, and so far, Anglin has been demonstrating more of it than Donald Trump.” Greenblatt said. “[Anglin] is bringing together a dangerous coalition of racists, anti-Semites, self-hating Jews who are too cowardly to kill themselves, incels, gymcels, Christians, fat people haters, homophobes, gamers, organic farmers, anti-abortion activists, nutrition specialists, Asian fetishists, UFO conspiracy theorists, weebs, gun fanatics, 1980s nostalgia enthusiasts, AIDS denialists, IT professionals, flat-earthers, Bitcoiners, disillusioned Netflix subscribers and anti-pit bull activists.”

“This may be the most serious coalition a presidential candidate has ever assembled, given that the people who feel strongly about any of these topics won’t care about the rest of the platform. He’s grabbing all of the single issue voters in a grand swoop of hate.”

Greenblatt said he is relatively certain Anglin will grab the Democratic nomination with ease.

“Biden is on a rampage to stop busing and reimplement segregation and Beto is bragging about how his ancestors owned slaves, but neither of them can hold a candle to Anglin’s level of pure and unadulterated hatred. This makes him a shoe-in, because of the debased psychology of the goyim.”

He is less certain that he can beat Trump, however.

“Trump is already upping his hate game, as you can see with his recent statements about how all nonwhites should leave the country. If he can meet Anglin’s level of hate, he may be able to squeak out a victory in 2020,” Greenblatt concluded dismally.