October 7, 2018
This is exactly the kind of story that Russia needs.
If they spin it right.
First things first. This is the cannibal.
Can’t believe my eyes.
I’m not even going to bother to say “no homo” to qualify my following statement. He’s fucking gorgeous and you’re a fag if you disagree.
What’s more, he looks just like the ideal archetype of a serial killer in some chick-flick (the bean *heh*) serial-killer romance novel sold by the checkout lane.
No, I take that back. He looks like a high-end killer. I’m talking Patrick Bateman-tier.
Shit, wait! Now that I think about it, he even looks a bit like the actor who plays Hannibal in the show Hannibal, Mads Mikkelsen.
Shit, he’s probably more handsome than Mads.
Or the other guy who played young Hannibal in Hannibal Rising.
Do you see what I see here??
And please, spare me the morality lecture and the piety posturing.
Killing and cannibalism is bad, mmk? Don’t do it, kids. We don’t live in a Max Max type scenario yet. People will think you’re weird if you pull that shit now.
Wait till you see a local warlord guy in your neighborhood who looks like:
…before you even consider going all in with that shit.
I’m just going to go ahead and state the obvious here.
This guy is literally everything that girls want in a serial killer.
And that means that the guy who gets the rights to this guy’s life story is going to make a fortune.
And get this, there’s a twist.
His helper. The girl.
A child who liked anime, sometimes skipped classes and was bad at math – who would think this girl would kill, cook and sample a man together with her decade older boyfriend, then complain the meat was “too sweet?”
This thing even targets the growing weird and shy anime-watching emo girl demographic.
This is fucking Sweeny Todd and Attack on Titan (because of the cannibalism) all wrapped into one.
The blood-curdling story about the 12-year-old girl who is suspected of killing and partially eating a man together with her 22-year-old lover is rattling the Russian media. The girl, identified by the media as Valeria, lived in the southern city of Sochi before running away to the Leningrad region where she allegedly committed the heinous crime.
It’s rattling me up too.
It’s like a fever dream, a mash-up of several genres of media all combined to create the greatest chick-crack story of the 21st century.
This is it!
THIS is Russia’s chance.
You have your “Jack the Ripper” now. You can milk this thing for all its worth.
And everyone can cash in. Not just the lucky writer who makes a screenplay for this shit.
Local businesses too! Think about it. Chicks from all over the world are going to flood to St. Petersburg to get the experience. They need tours, they need a fucking promotion campaign, they need to get the kikes over at HBO on this shit, STAT. Make it a Game of Thrones tier show.
As we speak, tens of thousands of introverted “emo” girls are sitting at home scribbling out anime-style sketches of the killer and getting ready to upload it to Deviant Art. Wishing that he had picked them as their partner in crime instead.
I usually stay away from making fashion advice because that’s not my forte.
If you can, you should seriously consider investing in the serial killer look.
Not everyone can pull off the hollowed cheeks and killer stare… but you can at least try growing out your hair to get the killer-flow going.
And I’m not just saying that to say that.
I’m going to put my hair where my mouth is and tell them to give me the “killer-cannibal” look next time I go to the chop shop.
Now, all of this will cost money. So feel free to donate bitcoin to the site.
The money will go to a good cause.
I want to do a prison-cell type interview with this guy. I assume he will be Joker-tier. Quite the character.
I need money for cigarettes and idk what else you need to make this sort of thing happen. Vodka bribes?
Please consider donating.
Otherwise, the kikes are going to beat me to this story.