Salisbury Heist: Russian Hacker Attempts to Steal the Magna Carta!

Roy Batty
Daily Stormer
October 28, 2018

Salisbury is where the whole Skripal “Novichok” poisoning went down.

That was the false flag to blame Russians for a fake poisoning. They accused two Russian tourists of the crime WEEKS AFTER they had left the country, assuring that they would never stand trial.

One of the more amusing elements of the whole situation was when NPCs online began saying that the two Russian tourists had to have done it, because why else would anyone go to Salisbury?

It revealed a lot about NPC programming that they don’t consider the beautiful and ancient Salisbury cathedral something anyone would care enough to see.

Especially Russians! Who NPC-bots believe don’t give a lick about English culture. Probably because they themselves do not. And when other people pointed out that ackshully some people do in fact care about this, like, boring history stuff, I assume they too were put on special Alt-Right/White Supremacist/Russian Agent lists.

Another finer tourist detail that went unmentioned during the Skripal saga was the fact that Salisbury is home to the best preserved and original Magna Carta.  


After a quiet few weeks Salisbury Cathedral has once again found itself in the headlines as a hammer wielding man has attempted to steal the Magna Carta. Cue a flood of mocking suggestions that Russian tourists are responsible.

The 45-year-old man is in police custody after he tried to steal the historic document by smashing its glass display box in the famous Cathedral at around 5pm on Thursday. 

Which is it, fam?

Are Russians too concerned with cigarettes, Adidas and drinking to care about English culture or to know anything about Salisbury’s historical heritage?

Or do they know that the Magna Carta is there and destroying it would deal a fatal blow to the UKistani democracy?

Which is it???

You can’t have it both ways! Or maybe the Novichkov thing was an elaborate distraction away from the real goal: saving the Magna Carta and spiriting it away to Russia, along with the other precious historical artifacts that will be destroyed when the Moslems take over Western Europe.

How come no one is considering that possibility?