August 5, 2019
What is it with pizza places and satanists?
In the kitchen of a Las Vegas pizzeria, there’s a new ingredient landing atop New York-style slices.
And you might call it chicken of the desert: grasshoppers.
“The Canyon Hopper” pizza at Evel Pie hit the menu this week after a biblical-level migration of pallid-winged grasshoppers swarmed Sin City’s neon lights and sidewalks – an invasion so thick it looked like a storm on weather radar.
“It’s hit the world by swarm,” Branden Powers, Evel Pie’s managing partner and creator, told the USA TODAY Network.
If you stop into the parlor at 508 Fremont St. in downtown Las Vegas, a slice will cost $5.50. But supplies are selling out fast.
Looking at their faces, one would guess they’re sprinkling soy beans on top of their pizzas instead of grasshoppers.
But then again, the grasshoppers were likely fed mostly soy, so there’s not much of a difference in the grand scheme of things.
If you think you are what you eat, don’t forget to check what your food ate, and what your food’s food ate, too.
A California transplant from Bakersfield who grew up in a pizza parlor family, Powers drew inspiration for the Canyon Hopper from Las Vegas regulars who seem unfazed by the bug storm.
“One of the biblical plagues invades Las Vegas, and we laugh in the face of it,” Powers said. “You see all these old ladies – my grandma was one of them – playing the slot machines while Rome burns around them, still on their oxygen, smoking cigarettes. That’s basically Las Vegas.”
Like other pies flying into ovens here, the Canyon Hopper is an ode to Evel Knievel, the daredevil known for his adventurous spirit and death-defying stunts.
Topping a base of baked goat cheese, caramelized onions and chorizo is arugula and a few healthy sprinkles of roasted grasshoppers seasoned with lime and garlic.
If you think that sounds tasty and you feel like having a slice, remember their faces.
That is what “a base of baked goat cheese, caramelized onions and chorizo is arugula and a few healthy sprinkles of roasted grasshoppers seasoned with lime and garlic” looks like.
Biting into a roasted grasshopper, it turns out, is like chewing on a pork rind.
“Everybody’s worried we’re taking a shovel outside,” Powers said.
He actually ordered them on Amazon Prime. They arrived in bags from Oaxaca, a Mexican city known for grasshoppers – or “chapulines.”
They’re so fake that they can’t even take a shovel outside to make authentic GRASSHOPPER PLAGUE pizza.
The Evel Pie crew thought the novelty insect slices would entice a few curious customers looking for a weird Las Vegas adventure to walk in and try it.
So wrong, they were.
“We literally thought it was going to be three slices a day,” said Corey Horan, Evel Pie’s general manager. “We thought it was a good joke, a good time – maybe we’d get a couple people to try it. We didn’t anticipate this.”
The endeavor started with a few 4-ounce bags of bugs. But soon after the Canyon Hopper hit the menu, the kitchen ran out of grasshoppers.
“We had to scramble and go all around the city. Went to Ethiopian markets, Thai markets,” Powers said. “Eighty percent of the planet eats insects, except us. We eat a couple pounds a year, and we don’t know it.”
Las Vegas is likely to be one of the circles of Hell.
Is putting grasshoppers on pizza really different than putting an African penis inside a white Italian girl?
Diversity is putting chapulines in your European food while blacks and browns put their chapulines in your European blood.
And these bugmen stand in a corner cheering the blacks, masturbating at the spectacle and making these faces:
Pizzagate is real.
But grasshoppergate is nearly as troubling.