October 31, 2019
I can’t even work up the effort to text this thot who randomly came over to my table the other day and gave me her number because I’m part of the Incel master race and have better things to do with my time. But Mohammed bin Salman, King of Saudi Arabia, has the time to text back and forth with Lindsay Lohan.
I’ve lost a lot of respect for him, I’m not going to lie. Talking to wahmen is HARAM.
And this is the man who had Jamal Khashoggi dismembered with a bone saw in the Saudi Embassy, no less.
How the mighty have fallen.
Lindsay Lohan has may qualities, but, let’s be honest, she has never been noted for her impeccable judgment.
Even by Lohan’s standards, one cannot help but wonder what the party-hearty former child star, who until recently ran a bar on a Greek island for an MTV reality show, could see in the billionaire potentate Mohammed bin Salman.
Lindsay Lohan, the avatar of AWFLs everywhere, is cool with the Human Rights Freedom Democracy™ Islamic Theocracy of Saudi Arabia.
Remember that the next time a white wahmen tries to lecture you on anything.
Tell them that you’ve seen what their leader Lindsay Lohan gets up to in her free time.
Indeed, ever since rumors first started to emerge of a friendship between Lilo and MBS—reports claimed they’ve become text buddies and that the Saudi ruler has been flying the actress around the world by private jet and even gave her a gift-wrapped credit card—students of Hollywood-Middle Eastern relations have wrestled with the question of what their after-dinner chats might comprise.
MBS’ kingdom adheres to an austere and repressive Muslim ideology and only recently allowed women to drive. Its operatives, he was forced to admit, brutally murdered and dismembered the Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi.
So what do Lilo and the billionaire leader of the oil-rich desert kingdom talk about once the subject of Mean Girls has been exhausted?
I’ll tell you what happens next.
MBS turns to Lindsay and says, “well, this has been nice, but imma have to drop my britches, pop a squat and get to work on dropping the kids off to school on your chest, Lindsay.”
Apparently, MBS spends most of his free time giving wahmen respect.
According to Lindsay’s father, World’s Greatest Dad finalist Michael Lohan, who has made a decent living out of exploiting his daughter’s fame when not in jail, Lindsay and MBS share a “platonic and respectful” friendship.
Speaking to Page Six at Denise Rich’s Angel Ball on Monday, Lohan said: “They are just friends, Lindsay has a lot of powerful friends in the Middle East, because she is huge out there. Lindsay met MBS because of the work she has been doing in the Middle East. She is working to help people in the region, particularly refugees.”
Lohan also briefly converted to Islam, and then decided against it, making her an apostate and worthy of stoning by the laws of Saudi Arabia.
But it’s cool. She BFFs with MBS now. She got his respecc.
He added, “Nobody writes about the good work Lindsay does in Syria. They just want to hear the bad stuff. She has a platonic and respectful relationship with MBS, nothing more.”
When asked by Page Six’s astute reporter if he was perhaps concerned that Lindsay is spending time with someone accused of imprisoning members of his own family and ordering the murder of Khashoggi, Michael said, “None of that has proven to be true,” even though, you know, it has.
In recent years, Lohan has spent much of her time in Dubai, where she still has a huge following. In 2017 she met with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan as part of a campaign to highlight the plight of Syrian refugees and was photographed visiting a refugee camp.
Yeah, that happened.
Lindsay Lohan is living the AWFL dream.
Smooching brown babies, flirting with Islam and getting pooped on – she’s ticking all the boxes, folks! And to think that the White Sharia barbarians among us want to take all that away from wahmen!
That being said, Lindsay Lohan is almost certainly a spy. Celebrities often get recruited because of the special treatment they receive and the interest that powerful but shallow politicians have in meeting them. This would at least explain why a totally non-political airhead coke whore suddenly took an interest in foreign affairs.
I’ll tell you what I do know though: whether or not I continue to respecc MBS depends on whether or not he decides to mend his ways and stone Lohan to death for being a spy, being an apostate and being a wahmen on top of all that.
We can only wait and pray that MBS finds his way and escapes the clutches of the harlot that he is texting rn. 🙏 💯