July 8, 2018
A good man is the kind of man that other men admire, are inspired by, and want to be like. It is the kind of man that men want to be around, want to be friends with. It is the kind of man who is successful.
You want to be able to be proud of yourself. And you want to know that men of quality respect you.
I want to point out some basic things that you should do in order to be a good man.
You will struggle with some of these things more than others. And you will never be perfect. No one is. But these are the things that make a man good.
Be Responsible for Your Own Life
The conditions of our birth and our upbringing are something none of us had any control over, and some of us were set back more than others. But ultimately, nothing that has happened to you that was out of your control can ever be blamed for who you are, and how you live your life. You have to take responsibility for every aspect of your life, because even if other people caused problems in your life, no one but you is ever going to fix them. Do not ever blame your personal problems on other people.
Go to the gym and eat right.
You do not have to be super bodybuilder man, but being overweight is displaying to the entire world that you lack self-control and you do not respect yourself. No one can respect a man who does not respect himself.
Furthermore, your masculinity is very much tied to your testosterone levels, which is very much tied to your character. Being healthy is the first prerequisite of being a good man.
As a general rule, do not do steroids.
Part of your training should be martial arts, because knowing how to fight, even if you never do fight, increases your confidence in yourself.
The way you dress and groom yourself is the second most visible sign of self-respect. You should always look as good as you can. That doesn’t mean you have to wear a suit everywhere you go, but it does mean that you should always be conscious of how you look, and you should always be dressed appropriately. If you dress like a slob, everyone sees that, and everyone judges you based on it. Get haircuts often, and if you have facial hair, keep it well groomed. Shower and change your clothing whenever you need to.
See my post on fashion for more on this topic.
Know as Much as You Can
Learning is of key importance to being a successful person. Knowledge is always power. The more knowledge that you have, the better you will be able to think and analyze life situations.
You can never know too much. But you can also never know everything. You should focus on learning things that you are interested in first, and this will then create more interests in you as your brain and psyche develop. Reading is the ideal form of learning, though I am not opposed to using audio-visual means as well.
Keep Your Word
If you say you are going to do something, then do it. Do not be flakey. Do not make commitments that you are unable to complete.
There is no reason to go around acting confrontational. It demonstrates insecurity. That is why short people are so stereotypically known to be overly aggressive. A calm demeanor denotes masculinity in that it indicates you feel safe and in control of situations.
This does not mean being a bitch.
Be in Control of Situations
In every human social situation, there is a hierarchy of power. You or someone you know, who you trust, who you view as a brother, should be in control of every social situation you are in. It is perfectly fine to abdicate control of a situation to another man, but he must be someone you trust.
If you do not know who is in control of a situation, or are not viewing every social interaction as being based on a heirarchy of power, then you are not in control of that situation. In most modern Western situations, men give over control of a situation to a woman. Don’t ever do that. If the woman is forceful in attempting to control the situation, and you cannot use non-aggressive verbal and body language to gain control of the situation, she is an irate, hysterical creature who you should not be in a situation with. (If you are forced to interact with such a creature due to work or some other thing, minimize communication as much as possible.)
At the core of controlling a situation is assertiveness (this is in no way to be confused with aggression). You should not wait to be guided. And you should never let people push you around. That doesn’t mean you should get into physical fights with people, because we live in a society. Furthermore, resorting to initiating physical fighting (or threats of such), implies an inability to handle the situation in a social manner by dominating with your personality. In a society (as opposed to a warzone) one should only use physical means to end a physical confrontation which has been initiated by someone else.
Make it clear to those around you that you are going to get what you need out of a situation by speaking directly, making eye-contact, and using open body language.
If a man tells you something in confidence, there is never any situation in which it is okay to break that confidence, even if he becomes your worst enemy. Breaking confidence is a very certain, clear sign of weak character.
Do not lie to your friends. Make that a rule. Even about little things. You have to lie to women, of course, but with male friends, you should always try to be as frank and open as possible. If you are asked something you do not want to answer, simply say that you do not want to answer.
Lying is a sign of low character, and though little lies might not seem to matter, they can create a pattern of lying.
Do Not Engage in Gossip
Gossip is the realm of the female. Do not be gossipy. Other people’s personal lives are only worth discussing if aspects of those personal lives directly affect you or your people.
Do Not Ever Believe That Any Woman is Above You
Biology has determined that all men are superior to all women. You should never view a woman as above you. You are better than she is because you are a man, and men are superior to women. There are many reasons for this – men are stronger, smarter, more creative, more moral and capable of conscious thought and making rational decisions based on logic and reason rather than instinct – but it ultimately comes down to the fact that men do not need women, but women do need men.
Do not ever believe that you need any woman. And do not ever, under any circumstances, believe that any woman has a right to judge your value, or that any judgment of you made by a woman is of any value at all.
Women exist only to serve men. They have no other purpose. Remember this in all of your interactions with them.
Do Not be Impulsive
Impulsiveness is a trait which has been associated with fun by the modern culture, but it is a sign of weakness. You should always behave in a determined manner, with decisions being thought through.
The counter point to a lack of impulsiveness is decisiveness. You should be certain of your actions, and you should follow through with decisions you have made, unless some factor in the situation changes or you are given new information which causes you to need to reevaluate the initial decision.
Different people have different personality types, and some people are more introverted. However, you should work to be social, in the sense that you want to be the kind of person who other people enjoy being around, and feel comfortable around. You do not have to be the life of the party in order to make others feel comfortable around you, and enjoy your company.
You should understand verbal and body language and use it in such a way as you are well liked.
If you have social anxiety problems, as many young people do today, you simply have to push through that. Socially awkward people make others uncomfortable, and this is a vicious cycle where the awkward person becomes more introverted and socially inadequate in response to the responses he gets from others. You have to force yourself, or you’ll get into a spiral.
Keep Your Vices to a Minimum
People have vices. It is ideal to have none, but given the situation of modernity, it is probable that most people have some. This includes not simply drugs and alcohol, but mindless entertainment media and other electronic usage, a compulsive fixation with sex, a fixation with largely useless consumer products, sugary or otherwise unhealthy foods.
Keep as clean as possible.
Own Only the Things You Need
You should not be a collector of objects. Most objects serve no purpose. Collecting trinkets is no way to live. Useless objects become a burden on a person. Every object you own should have a purpose. Sentimental objects are an indulgence, which is generally not helpful (though an exception is objects which are passed through generations).
You should feel always that if you needed to, you could put everything you need for your life in a single suitcase.
Learn to Judge the Character of Other Men
It is very important to be able to rate the value of other men, so that you do not surround yourself with men who are of low character. For the most part, you should judge them by the same standards you judge yourself, and the better your character becomes, the better you will be at judging it in other men.
Do Not Involve Yourself with Poisonous or Vampiric People
Behavior is contagious. You will always take on the behavioral traits of the people you surround yourself with to some extent. You should only surround yourself with good men, and women who are under your control.
Some people exist to feed off of your energy. Though this is traditionally a female behavior, there are men that do this. They will waste your time, and they will drain you. There are all sorts of ways that people do this, but if you understand it as a concept, you will be able to determine if someone in your circle of friends is such a person.
This is a complicated situation with immediate family members. I am of the opinion that short of the most extreme situations (which do exist), your parents and siblings are people you should always maintain a connection to, even if you have identified them as poisonous. However, you can and should limit your interactions with them if they are inclined to drain or otherwise harm you.
Always Take Care of Your People
If a friend or family member asks you to do something, you should do it, even if it is a huge hassle (unless it is completely impossible). If you are surrounding yourself with good people, they are only asking you to do things that they actually need you to do. And these people should be people who will do the same for you.
In order to be surrounded by men who will do anything for you, you have to be the kind of man who will do anything for his friends.
Paying for people’s meals is a demonstration of power, and it is something that is respected. Being stingy is a sign of weakness, and is viewed as pathetic. If you are having dinner or drinks with a friend, say “I’ll get this one, you can get the next one” and pay the entire bill. If he is the type of man you should be having dinner or drinks with, he will honor that.
Splitting bills is a new concept. Waitresses did not used to ask you if you wanted one or two bills if you were sitting down with a friend for dinner or drinks, because it was assumed in a healthily social society that one or the other would be paying the bill.
Again, do not let yourself be taken advantage of – but this will not happen if you do not allow poisonous people into your life.
Do Not Talk About Things Which You Have No Knowledge Of
We have all been around people who will start giving there commentary on things that it is clear they have no knowledge of. This is a very bad behavior, which makes a person look unserious or even absurd. There is no shame in not knowing about something, and refraining from offering any opinion or when asked for an opinion saying “I don’t feel qualified to speak on that, because I don’t know enough about it.”
Listen to Others When They Talk
There is nothing more irritating than speaking with a person who you feel is not listening to what you are saying, and is instead simply waiting for his turn to talk. You should listen to others when they speak. If what this person is saying has no value, then you shouldn’t be speaking with them in the first place.
Honor Contracts and Vows
This is an extension of keeping your word. If you make a contract – written or verbal – honor it, because a contract is backed by your honor. This includes marriage vows. Infidelity is an extreme character flaw. If you cheat on your wife, you are betraying yourself and your children, and you are sacrificing your personal honor.
Do Not Have a Girlfriend
“Romantic love” is a hormonal function of young teenagers. Grown men engaging in this behavior is on the same level as grown men playing with toy trucks.
There are two reasons that a man would interact with a woman socially:
- He is attempting to have sex with her
- He is attempting to marry her and produce children with her
If you are interacting with a woman for any other reason, you are wasting your time. You do not need a woman to be your friend and roommate, as is generally the modern concept of a “girlfriend.” This is pathetic.
So any woman that you interact with you should either be:
- Trying to have sex with her with as little energy expenditure as possible
- Interviewing her as a potential mother of your children
I understand that part of the modern social paradigm is that a woman becomes your girlfriend and then may potentially become your wife. I obviously do not approve of this, and would prefer a traditional framework wherein a father gives you his virgin daughter for marriage, but I am not so silly as to believe such a thing is possible.
So then, if you do the live-in girlfriend thing as part of the process of working toward marriage, as is now the custom, there is no shame in this. But you should only do this in situations where you genuinely believe that there is a high chance that this relationship will result in marriage and children.
(A topic for another time is protecting your assets from a woman you marry, as it is a big subject, but I will just mention it: do it. Talk to lawyers and make certain that this woman cannot steal your money in a divorce. You also want to be prepared to get custody of the children, and you absolutely should collect kompromat on your wife that can be presented in court in such a situation. I know that’s hard to hear. But this is simply the reality we live in. We do not live in a Disney cartoon.)
Satisfying basic sexual needs outside of marriage is best done through the use of prostitutes, although I understand that this is illegal in all feminist countries. Casual sexual encounters with non-prostitutes should not involve any more emotion than is involved with a sexual encounter with a prostitute.
Work Hard and be Proud of Your Work
I understand that it is difficult to find good or meaningful work in this age. But if you do not, your life will be much more difficult.
You should do work that you are able to enjoy and be proud of. And you should do what you need to do to get that work, whether it is going to college or trade school, and engaging in the kind of social networking necessary to get there. In all likelihood, you will have to work at jobs that you do not enjoy in order to get to a job you do enjoy. But in all of this, you should put yourself into it, do the best you can, and be proud of it.
Money matters. Assuming that it is made honestly, it is the primary gauge of your value as a man. You should plan your life, from an early age, to create a situation where you will be able to make money. Because of globalism and various other factors involved in post-industrialism, it is often very difficult to make money. But if you are able to become a good man, according to all of the above listed measures, you will be able to make money.
These are all things that you have to work at. Some of them you have to work at more than others. And understand: you will never be perfect. You will make mistakes, you will always have personal demons to battle.
A man’s life should be a continual state of growth and development, right up until the end.
You can always be better than you are.
In writing all of this out, I myself am looking at the parts where I need to improve. I didn’t consciously start this journey until I was in my mid twenties, and now, as I will be entering my mid thirties later this month, I am ten times the man I was then. And I plan that when I get to my mid forties, I will be ten times the man I am now.
The goal is to be consciously aware of yourself. To know yourself, to know your strengths and weaknesses, and to always continue working to make yourself a better man.
I will repeat: the first step is to take responsibility for your own life. You have to do that, or nothing else will ever be possible.