May 7, 2018
Close-up portrait of a happy young man brushing teeth on a white background.
Each and every one of us reaches the middle of the day, and often feels and though they would rather blow their brains out or overdose on pills than continue on with such a meaningless existence.
But I’ve got a solution for you: when you get to that place, right in the middle of your day, perhaps around early afternoon, get to the toilet and instead of drowning yourself in the sink, brush your teeth.
Yes, friends. It’s true. Brushing your teeth in the middle of the day can lead to a state of revitalization. Those thoughts of suicide and murder will quickly dissipate and you will be left ready to go back out and tackle the next paper in your endless stack of papers, or keep working at the gas station, or whatever the fuck you do at your shitty job.
Look at this slut, making her disgusting orgasm face while she brushes her teeth in the afternoon.
That’s because she’s learned the secret to freshness. Or shall I say, re-freshness.
The secret is that because your life is so meaningless and because you are an alcoholic, your saliva doesn’t have the nutrients it needs to keep your mouth fresh. You start to get white stuff on your tongue, your cheeks feel sticky and your teeth have a layer of grime.
And yes, I know it’s Tuesday, you stodgy old coot. That’s part of the bit. This post is stupid and it’s on the wrong day.
Furthermore, because toothbrushing is associated with morning routine, brushing in the middle of the day is like a second morning. Like being born again in the light of a clean mouth.
So, when you reach the middle of your day and feel like you’re ready to fucking snap, instead of reaching for your handgun and killing yourself and/or your co-workers, reach for your toothbrush and get a new grip on reality.