Vinny the Jib
March 3, 2018
Following the Florida shooting, millions of Americans were hit with a sickening, sinking feeling that didn’t have anything to do with gun control or kids being shot.
It had to do with what came after. With a Mexican lesbian who was featured on every television screen on the planet for a week, and whose bizarre visage is now implanted in the minds of the American people: Emma Gonzales.
Jimmy Colorado remembers exactly where he was when he first saw the “56%er” face of Gonzales.
“I was sitting at my favorite sports bar, trying to watch some goddamn motherfucking sports, and this potato-headed bitch pops up. I felt an immediate urge to, I don’t know, to do something. I felt so angry at her fucked up fucking face,” he told me as we sat drinking peach schnapps on his apartment enclosed balcony in downtown Cleveland last week.
“I’m sitting here and just thinking ‘I’d like to run that bitch over with a semi-truck,’ you know what I’m saying?” His face scrunched-up as he remembered the experience.
“It was hours later, when I was walking home…” he stopped at that point, shaking his head. “I don’t even want to fucking say it. But you already know. And I’m telling you this so you can tell anyone else who’s feeling this that they aren’t alone. When I was walking home I realized, you know, I’d like to fuck that bitch. Really dirty like. Just want to see her bald potato head banging right up against the wall, just slap with both sides of my hand over and over again, choke her until her bug-eyes bulge-out…”
He downed the class of peach schnapps and picked up the bottle and began chugging until it was empty, tossed it on the ground and it shattered on the green tiles. He put his head in his hands.
I looked at him, feeling both pity and disgust. I felt an urge to open the window, jump out of the third story balcony, to hit the ground running. Anything to get away from this perverted lunatic. But I had promised to listen to and to write about his affliction.
Colorado was the only member of the 300-strong support group on Facebook entitled “Emma Gonzales Hatefuckers” who was willing to sit down with me. At the time we met, no one had any idea how many people held a secret desire to hatefuck the sexual and racial mutant that is Emma Gonzales.
Days after I met with Colorado in Cleveland, a poll was conducted, which showed that a full quarter of Americans harbor a desire to engage in this depraved act.
I spoke with Wilhelm Reinhold, a world renowned Kenseyian sexologist at the University of Amsterdam about what the results mean. He told me that they do not bode well for America as a nation.
“I have personally dealt with all types of perversion, which I believe are all normal and safe. But this issue of such a large number of people wanting to hatefuck a literal mutant creature, all looking like a goblin from Dungeons & Dragons – it is an instance of mass insanity, which cannot be explained away with ‘everything is permissible’ reasoning. America is a nation on the brink,” he said.
He said he didn’t think there was any solution, but that the media should consider stopping featuring her on TV, as this triggers the perverts.
I called up Jimmy Colorado after the poll was published, and he started crying on the phone. “It’s not just me, not just me, not just just the Facebook group. This is a perfectly normal reaction to that sick bitch.”
He said that he is putting together an organization to try remove some of the stigma from a raging desire to hatefuck Emma Gonzales.
“You’ve got the foot fetishists, who are a smaller number than us, and they’re just out there, everywhere on the internet, on Twitter with their ‘post feet’ memes, and we’re 24% of the population but we feel like we’ve got to live in the shadows? It’s just not fair. We’re people and we deserve to be treated like it. We can’t control this sick disease.”
The tears were all gone and I could hear him smiling.